HorrorScope

Zulfiqar Haiderali

First appeared in Dawn

With apologies to Late Jeane Dixon's horoscopes and all in the business.

Celebrities born on this date

Political reformist Attila the Hun. British militant Jack the Ripper. Karl Marx’s 6th cousin Hy Marx. Movie extra Inssigue Neefie-Kent. President Reagan’s chimp Bonzo.

Aries

Playing a nasty prank on your boss today may get you fired, but go for it anyway. Romantic partner parts ways after a long argument. Tonight, keep a gun nearby.

Cancer

If you’re going out with a Leo this evening, don’t. Money matters hit rock bottom. Begging at a traffic signal may come in handy.

Taurus

A female fellow-worker you fancy is not what she seems to be. She's male. Renting a horror movie seems okay for tonight. Beware of an Aries dog.

Libra

Fear nothing but fear itself. If you must then you should. This could mean anything. Nothing is indeed better than anything. If you don’t want to, you must. We're not supposed to understand these things anyway.

Capricorn

A friend’s demise may put you off a bit, but have a heart, it’s only a living -- not. At a party tonight, a nice pair of shoes might attract a nice pair of feet.

Pisces

You are luckier than you think you are. If you’ve been waiting to kill someone, this is the day. Ask the first Aquarius you see today out for a date tonight.

Scorpio

Someone’s been pulling your leg thinking you’ve got only one. Kick him with the other one. Beware of a Sagittarius crow’s painful beak.

Leo

If you’re in a journey, forget home because you may never see it again. Nothing gives more pleasure than stealing in a foreign land.

Aquarius

Accept a date from a Pisces today. It may not be easy, but you never know because I’m a Pisces myself. And you’re a sweetheart! Very biased this, I know.

Gemini

Family matters require immediate attention but pay no heed: they hate you anyway. Why look for romance when no one in the world will love you?

Virgo

When was the last time you had a fist fight or a hair-pulling brawl? This is just the perfect day for it. Go get a Gemini. You may break a limb or two but do it for the sake of it.

Sagittarius

No matter how hard you try, you’re not going to pass that test. So why lose hope? Consider cheating and you could be successful.

Children born today

Today’s children are born masochists. They love to inflict pain on themselves and their loved ones. Extremely narcissist and obstinate, they climb up their careers beautifully through clever bribery, treachery and plagiarism.