The Great Rock Band Interview

Zulfiqar Haiderali

First appeared in Dawn

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have invited the country’s leading rock group ‘Toofani Dhamaal’ to our studios. As you know, everyone from the panwala to the kid next door has been talking about Dhamaal’s turbo charged new song Khooni Qaatil which is currently running at number one on the Lassi Top of the Pops charts. And here’s your host Azeem Haqeer.

Azeem: Good evening readers. It’s my pleasure to have guys here with me. Let’s introduce the band to you. Mayoos Raja Jani is the band’s vocalist, lyricist, lead guitarist, pianist and publicist. Ayyar Khan is Dhamaal’s driving force, playing bass and smoking lotsa hash, and finally Sharif Farzand, the intense, loud and very proud drummer. So tell my guys, what inspired you to form Toofani Dhamaal?

Mayoos: Man, like speaking of those funky days, huh? Well I was actually hitting the pits, dig? Y’know wandering around like a lost cow, har, har…then one day, like wow man, I met Ayyar in a classroom brawl, see? And then on, like, we’re buddies ever since, if you know what I mean.

Azeem: Yes, but then how did this friendship pave way for the band?

Sharif: Ho, there’s where I butt in, I guess yaar. Look, making a stupid runothamil band is like…swoosh, man, if you know what I’m sayin’. It’s when you gotta burn the midnight oil, buddy. So I had this cool pad where I usta stash dope and stuff, y’know. The guys got me one day, and man, wasn’t that some gruesome incident?

Azeem: That’s very funny. Anyway, tell us about your latest song Khooni Qaatil. It’s doing great on charts, isn’t it?

Mayoos: Oh yeah, like, this flick has got so big, man. Amazing.

Azeem: What do the lyrics portray, in spite of the fact that they’re hardly intelligible…ha, ha,.

Mayoos: Man, you just don’t get it, do you? Khooni Qaatil is a story of this renegade, this outcast young man. His dad won’t budge, you see, like hey, all the guy’s asking for a is a f…g Charade? Nope, he ain’t getting nothing, so off he goes slaying people - imagine the agony. That’s a total socio-political situation I’m talking about - and the kids love it.

Azeem: Very thought provoking indeed. What are your plans for the future. I heard you guys are working on an album?

Ayyar: You got that right, pal. Our next album is called Paagal Junooni. It’s a concept album. Instead of names, every song will have a number.

Sharif: It depicts total pathos that we’re facing today. People can’t get visas, people getting killed on the streets for no reason, kids handling guns when they should be handling girls - it’s a revolutionary concept, man. Social awareness.

Mayoos: Like last summer when I was strolling down Manhattan, I noticed that everyone’s minding his own business, even if you walked out naked, man. We like a society like that. Integrated, inter-social, yeah that’s the word, you follow?

Azeem: Is there any message you may want to give to the young generation?

Sharif: Oh yeah, sure, we’ve been working on that. Ayyar, it’s your cue, you asshole!

Ayyar: Duh…yeah, it’s that you know life is too short and should be enjoyed, y’know so why not cut it short, I mean the boredom, so you should always say, like in the words of a famous 18th century philosopher: "Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!".